He said, she said: Relationship advice

Q: I met a new girl this weekend on campus. I really like her, but I don't know if she likes me back. How can I tell if she likes me?

He said:

Reading attraction can be like sailing into treacherous, uncharted waters. We all display affection differently and getting a reading of those initial sparks can be overwhelming and confusing. Believe me, I struggle with this even to this day.

To tell if a girl (or guy) likes you, a key signal is how much attention they give you. Let's take Facebook for example. If you have added her and she initiates conversations some or all the times you're online, I'd say you got a winner. Same rule applies for text messages.

However, this isn't foolproof. Nothing is. Some people are just incredibly friendly when meeting new people and will give you a lot of attention to build the relationship. This doesn't always mean a romantic relationship, so you must analyze what's being said along with how often it's being said.

When the two of you are talking, pay attention to key comments that are being made. Generally, compliments are a good indicator of attraction. These usually occur frequently, so if you are really getting buttered up, things may be looking pretty good. On digital communication, winking and tongue emotions are generally golden. And what flirtatious text/Facebook conversation wouldn't be complete without a barrage of lols invading your screen?

If the signs are good, or even if they're ambiguous, communication needs to happen early to make sure you don't blow your opportunity. If your gut is saying you have a shot, you might as well take it. Nothing stings more than finding out someone you were interested in liked you after some time has passed. So save yourself a few dropkicks to your own face and say something soon. Sometimes these indicators work and will help you; sometimes you are left to your own devices.

Oddly enough, I've ended up being happy for most the rejections I've received as time went on. If it works, you have the potential for a great relationship. If you get rejected, it'll probably end up benefiting you in the end. You can't lose! So take the affection bull by the horns and get to the bottom of whether or not she likes you!

She said:

Usually people can detect pretty well whether or not a person likes them. But I agree that it is frustrating when you really just can't read someone, or when your relationship becomes bipolar and they only address you 50 percent of the time.

Has she given you any reason to question it? I'm skeptical because you said you don't know if she likes you back and I feel like generally people can tell. Maybe she's one of those "play hard to get" types, and she will play you hot and cold or make your emotions and confusion run up and down like a roller coaster. Let's hope not.

I guess for me it's pretty easy to know if a guy likes me or not. She probably likes you if she speaks to you, acknowledges you in any way, flirts with you, calls you, texts you, makes conversation with you, says she wants to keep talking to you, etc. How did she act when she met you? My guess is she was at least nice enough because you already decided you like her. So from that I would assume that she likes you too.

However, she probably doesn't like you if she doesn't talk to you, doesn't acknowledge you, doesn't flirt with you or just completely blows you off. I think those are pretty obvious to detect. You'll definitely know if she doesn't like you. Not a lot of people take being ignored as an invitation to hang out.

I suppose one good way to tell is if she wanted to see you again. If she didn't like you, trust me, she wouldn't want to spend time with you. So take a look at how the first conversation went. That should be a pretty good indicator of what comes next.

Do you have a relationship question for Anthony and Katie? E-mail your questions to northern-iowan@uni.edu.