He said, she said: Relationship advice

Q: I need to stay in the Cedar Falls area this summer because of my job, but I don’t have a place to live yet. My boyfriend and I have been together for three months. Would it be a bad idea for me to move in with him for the summer?

He said:

Your idea is certainly an economical one, assuming of course his parents don’t charge you rent. It’s a logical option but there are definitely some things to consider before committing to a decision. Since you have only been dating for three months, moving in with him could be a questionable thing to do since it is still somewhat early in your relationship.

The main thing to keep in mind is what contingencies you would have in the event you break up. If you think about it, a breakup could be devastating to your summer, work habits and overall morale. While that’s more or less obvious, the effects will be amplified due to the fact that you are living with him. Can you imagine going through a bad breakup and still seeing each other every day? It would be pure torture. If that were to happen, you could always look for another place to live here, but you’ll still be there until you find it and it will still be torture.

On the flip side, this situation certainly has benefits too.  You’d get to see your boyfriend every day after work and your relationship strength could grow immensely. Another perk is that you would really get to know his family better over the course of the summer. Parents can handle relationships in odd ways, but if you live with them for the summer, undoubtedly they will like you and approve of you as their son’s girlfriend if they haven’t already.

With positives and negatives in mind, what you really need to do is establish how strong your relationship is. If you feel it is strong enough that it can last a very, very long time, I would definitely consider this as an option. If it’s not, then I’d consider this a backup plan. Living with someone can sometimes make or break a relationship, so be careful with this one. Think about this hard and I wish you the best.

She said:

Personally, I don’t believe it’s smart to move in with someone after only dating them for a few months. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for two and a half years and I’m nowhere close to wanting to live with him (or even ready, for that matter). But, with your situation comes a tough decision, because I can see you’re hesitant about moving in with him.

I guess if your other option is being homeless this summer, I can’t tell you to not move in with him. If I was going to be stuck in a town with no home lined up, I’d live with my boyfriend in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t want to be homeless. I can’t imagine you want to either.

What I can’t figure out is why you don’t have somewhere to live, if you knew you were going to have to stay in Cedar Falls. It seems to me that you left yourself with really no options but to move in with him. Hopefully you two are compatible enough that you won’t step on each other’s toes or argue too much about your living habits.

A good question to ask before you decide to move in with him is if he even wants you to. I can’t imagine he’d be a very good boyfriend if he said “no” and left you out in the cold. But living with someone after only three months can be a little bit frightening.

Explain to him and yourself that it’s temporary — only three months — and remember why you’re there — because your job wouldn’t allow for anything else. I have a friend who has been dating her boyfriend for about six months and she recently made the tough decision to move in with him for the summer (this happened after much hesitation and reluctance). But when it came down to it, this really was the best solution for her and the one that made the most sense.

Things work out differently for different people. So don’t put pressure on yourself to be “acceptable” to society — you don’t need their approval. You know what’s right for you and your boyfriend.