He said, she said: Relationship advice

Q: How do you make a breakup easy on someone?

He said:

This question could not be any more relevant to me personally. I have a friend suffering from a bad breakup right now, and he is definitely on my mind as I write this.

A lot of a breakup is mental, so do your best to choose your words carefully. Frankly, there is no easy way to break up with someone. You never know how someone will react, and really all you can do is counteract their actions with words that will be genuine, and let them know you regret putting them in pain, but it still has to be done.

The most important thing to remember is that they need space after you break this to them. Being too wordy and constantly trying to smooth things over right after you breakup is usually disastrous. The problem with that suggestion, however, is everyone takes breakups differently. I can't stress that enough.
 
Also, try your best to be sensitive. Any little hint of aggression or painful words can really set someone off, and that's not helping either of you. Put yourself in their shoes and understand they are in pain. Do your best to respect that pain and try not to open any wounds with insensitive words.

Now here comes the biggest part of a breakup: friends. Friends need to play a major role in a breakup. Be supportive of your friend who is going through a tough time. Spend time with them if possible and don't bring up the breakup unless your friend does first.

Keep a close eye on them as well. Breakups can really make people depressed to the point of delusions, so if they start saying hysterical, melodramatic or concerning things, definitely keep a close eye on them.

All and all, you must remain supportive and sensitive. The rest is up to the other person.

She said:

To be perfectly honest, there's no telling what way a breakup is going to go from the start. Of course, you could take a look at their past behaviors when conflicts arose, but those can't really give insight into what an actual breakup will bring. You could think you're letting them down easy and they could take it as just the opposite.

So I think it's pretty obvious what you have to do. Sit them down, speak calmly with lots of words to support your decision (they'll need to know the specifics), and try as hard as you can to let them down easily. Be sensitive to their feelings, but don't cave when they ask you to reconsider. If you want this -- I mean if you really, really want this -- then you need to do it.

Now, be aware that things could get ugly. They may not even give you a chance to say all that you need to. What's important in this situation is to remain calm.

Unfortunately, your problems don't stop here. Now you have to deal with post-breakup awkward encounters and a mixture of feelings — coming from both parties. This is the stuff all those college planning books and courses don't prepare you for. They tell you college will be hard, but inconveniently leave out just how hard it can be.

Without knowing your situation personally, I can only tell you this much: make sure you're good and ready, and when you are, stick to your guns and follow through. Go into it with your mind clear and all your thoughts in order. Know exactly what you're going to say and be as gentle as possible.

Once it's all said and done, they'll want to know where your relationship stands. Can you be friends?  This is something you'll both have to decide. Like I said, it's hard. As hard as it may be, don't hide from it. It's important to clear up these questions the best you can.

I could probably go on for another few minutes talking about things you should and shouldn't do, but only you can really prepare yourself for what's going to happen. This means you need to remember that things can always take a turn for the worse, or they can surprise you and work out magically. Think about what I've said, especially about knowing exactly what you're going to say and making your points valid. The rest is up in the air. Good luck.