He said, she said: Relationship advice

Q: When I'm out with my boyfriend on the weekends, I have noticed him checking out other girls. I know he loves me and thinks I'm pretty, but I still don't like it when he looks at other girls all the time. How can I tell him I don't like it when he checks out other girls without sounding jealous?

Anthony Mitchell:

Ah yes, the ever-present dilemma of the wondering eyes. The good news is that I don't believe this to be a jealousy issue, but more one of insecurity. Jealousy tends to be confrontational, while insecurities tend to just stay in the background and I'm glad to see that you haven't become confrontational about this. People never like hearing they are insecure, but it's not a negative thing. It's fairly common for people to be concerned with this and hopefully I can offer some help to overcome the issue. 

While it may seem like something simple you can control, the truth of the matter is that both men and women notice attractive members of the opposite sex. It just happens. What can be controlled is how attentive we become once we notice such a person.

Your actions depend on how big of a problem these acknowledgments are causing. If it's just glances now and then, I wouldn't worry too much. He is with you and I doubt that will change by a mere glance and don't you forget that, yes indeed, he is yours. Now if it's to a point that it is truly aggravating, there are a couple things I've come up with that you can have some fun with. If you catch him eyeing someone, give him a kiss on the cheek. He'll be clueless as to why you did it, but his focus will be completely shifted to you. It's truly a woman's dream, attention on them while their man is really confused. I'm kidding of course.

Another way to twist his brain is if you catch him eyeing someone, point out a really cute guy in a really sarcastic manner. Whether or not he gets why you did it, he'll pick up on the sarcasm and you both can go from there in an incredibly cute way.
 
The point of all this is that if this truly bothers you, try to resolve in a light-hearted way. Bringing this up can frustrate a guy and make him feel controlled and neither of you wants that. Best of luck!
     
Katie Hunt:

First of all, it's important to remember that even though you two are dating, it's human nature to be attracted to the opposite sex, or, in some cases, the same sex. You, too, have probably noticed a cute guy at some point in your relationship with your boyfriend.

Just because he looks at someone, it does not necessarily mean he's going to pursue her, or act upon his feelings of attraction. Looking is one thing, but I would be more concerned if you see him flirting with her, touching her or ignoring you completely.

One thing to take into consideration, as hard as it may be, is that he could just be a "people watcher." You don't want to jump to conclusions or make accusations if you don't have hard evidence that he is checking the girls out. There would be reason for concern if, like I said before, he became touchy with them, or ignored you.

Guys admire women who are independent and who believe they are responsible for their own happiness. If you show him that you can have a good time with him, even when there are others around, he's more likely to stay interested in you. He'll find your confidence in yourself and your relationship very sexy and appealing.

However, if none of these things work and you really feel like it's becoming a problem, or have reason to question his loyalty, then do not be afraid to confront him about it. The wrong time to be confrontational is while you're out. You don't want to make a scene, and you want to enjoy yourself. Once you leave and have some alone time, address the problem in a mature way. Ask him if he would feel better openly dating and meeting other people, rather than being in a relationship with you.

From my personal experience, everything is better once the two people in the relationship are on the same page. I understand how difficult it can be to see your boyfriend take interest in another person. Just remember not to jump to conclusions. Analyze the situation and be rational.

But, more importantly, if you don't feel you're being respected in the relationship and he's taking a significant interest in others, take care of yourself. Ask him what he wants, and if it's not you, then so be it. You'll be just fine. I wish you the best of luck.