He said, she said: Relationship advice

Q: I’m in a relationship but I’m not happy. I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend. How do I let him down easy?

Anthony Mitchell:

No one likes being in this situation and I sympathize with you. There really is no easy way to go about doing this. The usual starting point is to just have a sit-down with him and just let him know you’re not happy. In some cases, your boyfriend may in fact decide to change a behavior you don’t like. I don’t know the specifics of your situation, but the potential for a guy to change is always possible. If you want out, I take it you have no intention of changing your mind, so if that is the case that’s fine, but just keep it in the back of your mind. If you stand by your decision, all you need to worry about is not hurting him and I will be honest, it will be hard.
   
No one likes breaking up, especially if they don’t see it coming. That’s obvious, so letting him down easy is going to take some effort. The biggest thing to keep in mind is compassion for him. You are changing a part of his life and it is going to be a shock to him, so try your best not to be too abrasive.

Let him know his strong points and do your best to be sympathetic, even though you are doing what you feel is the right thing by leaving. Also be clear about why you are leaving. State your case and have examples. Try to paint this picture as clear as possible so that the shock can wear off and he can really start to see why you are doing this.

Expect the best but prepare for the worst. Reactions to break-ups can be anywhere from quiet and understanding to violent and enraged. It just depends on the person and the situation. Do your best to play out scenarios that could happen. If he reacts one way, have this ready to say. If he reacts another way, counter it with that. Just be prepared. You have to do the rest. You have to be strong and say what you want to say. Good luck.

Katie Hunt:

It seems to me like you know what you want, and that is to not be in the relationship. And I would guess that you two are or have been at one time pretty close because you want to let him down gently without breaking his heart. It’s true that he’ll be upset, there’s really no way of avoiding that, but the sooner you do it, the better.

You can’t let your fear of how he’ll react keep you from being happy. He’ll also be happier if you don’t drag it out. I know it won’t seem like it at first, but think of it from his perspective. Would you want someone to stay with you, knowing they didn’t want to be with you they were just afraid to hurt your feelings?

My advice to you is to sit him down in a quiet setting and tell him why it’s not working out. He can’t blame you or call you a bad person if your feelings just aren’t the same. It’s worth a shot. Who knows, maybe he’s feeling the same thing and just doesn’t know how to let you down. The only way you’ll know is if you actually try.

Also, don’t get a friend involved or have them do it for you. Sometimes we can let our friends be a huge influence on our decisions without even knowing it. For example, if you’re hanging out with a group of friends on a Saturday night, don’t text him and tell him it’s over just because they’re trying to get you to. Make it the right time for the both of you and sit down and discuss it. There will be a lot less of a mess this way and you’ll have a chance to get everything out on the table and he’ll have a chance to talk too.


 

Be the first to comment on this article!

Add comment


I am not posting spam. I understand posting spam or other comments that are unrelated to this article will cause my comment to be flagged for deletion and possibly cause my IP address to be permanently banned from this server.

Enter the characters in the image above:

log out