Coexistence: A romance

I've written for the Northern Iowan since 2009, and looking back at the 60-some-odd columns I've written, I can't honestly remember ever writing about anything serious. And why should I? The world is serious enough as is; it doesn't need another columnist spewing venom about death, taxes and the American way.

But you get to a point where just being a goofball gets stale. So I'm going to give this serious stuff a try. Don't worry, I'll be back to analyzing world domination through telekinetic penguins sometime soon, but for now, let's stop and think.

I was walking around campus the other day when I saw one of those "COEXISTENCE" bumper stickers (Props to the graphic artist that came up with that. Very cool from a design standpoint), and it really got me thinking. Coexistence from a religious standpoint: now there's a thought. I pondered it for a moment and then started chuckling to myself, almost to the point of appearing a little crazy.

I pressed on. I began breaking down religions from a purely technical point. A group of people that have convinced themselves that they know how our known universe functions, that they are correct about said function and that the entire world must be convinced as they are.

Then I started thinking about the outspoken atheists and some agnostics. They exist to oppose (oftentimes) religion or at least discredit it. Yet their function is identical. Instead of convincing the world of a deity's existence, they're insisting the very opposite, that the world must know there is no God. Remember, these are generalities of the evangelical and the outspoken, not applying to those who practice either way in peace. (Mainly that statement is there so I don't have to read 80 angry emails. Then again, my framed angry email about Justin Bieber is kind of lonely….)

Every action creates an equal or opposing reaction – that basic principle of the universe is pretty crafty. In simplistic terms, religion was answered by atheism, Judaism was answered by Christianity, Catholicism was answered by Protestantism and so on. You can see what I'm getting at. One form's existence spawns a response. Well no duh, we know that. So no matter if you are religious or not, you still face opposition… what does this have to do with us?

Again, it goes back to that bumper sticker. I came to the conclusion that religious coexistence is a romance; something that looks great on paper but impossible in practice. It's no exception when it comes to a college campus like ours. In fact, it's places like this where we see this amplified. We're no closer to coexistence than we are to self-propelled flight (though pogo sticks and trampolines were a step in the right direction).

Groups on campus on both sides of the issue continually beat their heads against a rock, whether it be a whackjob screaming about brimstone or pirates screaming about evolution. All it does is add fuel to the fire (and to be fair, Billy Joel started it).

I can remember back the last couple of years on days when some deranged lunatic was calling students sinners. I remember being so angry that a peaceful, loving religion was being so grossly misrepresented and was simply adding to the negative stereotype. I also remember days like "Blasphemy Day" in the past couple of years. I remember being so angry that peaceful nonreligious people would soon be made into hated targets.

I look at it now and I throw my head back and laugh. Screaming doesn't get us to think about a possible afterlife. Some mean-spirited chalked phrases don't get us to think outside the box. It just does a fantastic job of royally ticking us off. And really, that's pretty funny. Somewhere in our own self-denying, narcissism-fueled psyche, we actually think that we know what's going on. And better yet, that we have to tell the world what's right for them.

I'm not anti-religion, nor am I anti-atheist by any means. My own personal beliefs have no personal bearing either. I heavily encourage groups like Brothers and Sisters in Christ and UNI Freethinkers and Inquirers to exist. It's just that we're human. We won't get along. We won't coexist. So just accept it and move on.

You wanted serious, there's serious. If a little too much nihilism is hard to digest, always remember in the words of Mick Foley: "Have a nice day!"